“So, did you have fun last night?” Lucky asked casually, crinkling up another piece of paper and letting it roll off the end of the couch.

Emily nodded, the movement making her feel like she was swimming in an undercurrent. She was hopelessly tired. She hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, and because she’d had to go to class registration at six, hadn’t been able to sleep in. She stifled a yawn and nodded again to Lucky.

“I saw you talking to Deenie earlier,” Lucky said, sketching on his notepad again, a fresh piece this time. “Were you telling her all about the date?”

“I don’t think so,” Emily said, trying to conjure up a recall of the conversation she’d had with her. She gave up, knowing it was probably just the usual who-did-you-get-for-math-class conversation. “I don’t really know her that well.”

“So...do you like the guy you went out with last night?”

Emily curled up into a more comfortable position on the couch, grateful she’d changed out of the jeans and tank top she’d worn to registration into a pair of comfy track pants and top. “Brendan? I don’t know. I just...I think he’s nice.”

“Does he like you?”

Emily glanced over at Lucky, who was absorbed in his drawing. It was hard to tell, but his ears looked a little pink at the tips. Then again, she was awfully tired. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask him or anything.”

“Well, wouldn’t you be able to tell?” Lucky asked.

Emily’s forehead wrinkled as she tried to figure out what Lucky wanted to know. “What? Are there certain signals girls can pick up on?”

Lucky hesitated, then apparently changed his mind. “Never mind.”

Emily watched him sleepily, watching the rejected pile grow larger and messier. She wondered if it would be too intrusive to ask what he was drawing. He’d been pretty secretive about that notepad since he got it. Just as she finally got up the nerve to ask,” What are you drawing?” She heard him speak at the same time.

Emily looked up at him in surprise. He looked at her with the same expression, then laughed.

“You first.” Emily leaned back against the chair and closed her eyes slightly.

Lucky took a deep breath as if he were collecting his thoughts or getting up nerve. “I asked what was going on with you and Nikolas. You two looked pretty cozy at the Nurses’ Ball.”

“We were congratulating each other,” Emily said, her lips curving into a surprised smile. “And we’re friends. Why wouldn’t friends talk to each other?”

“He called you...”

“He calls me all the time,” Emily lied airily. “As friends, of course.” She laughed. “I like Nikolas a lot, but I can’t imagine a romance between us. Ever.” ‘Not anymore, at least,’ Emily added silently, remembering her past crush on him.

“Oh.” Lucky looked embarrassed, and Emily felt bad for making him feel silly.

“So how’s Liz?” Emily blurted out.

Lucky looked at her strangely. “She’s fine. I saw her at registration for a minute. I talked to her a little, but didn’t even get to compare schedules. There was a mix-up and she got Sarah’s.”

“Oh. Deenie said she was looking for you two all over,” Emily said, finally able to remember part of the conversation. “Actually, she said she’d been looking for you all summer. She said you guys must’ve been hiding out somewhere.”

“Hmmm.” Lucky sketched lightly on the pad. “Deenie’s a character, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, I guess so. She really thinks a lot of you. She thinks it’s, like, the perfect match or something.”

Lucky looked up, looking startled. “Perfect match? Me and who?”

“You and Liz. Soul mates.” Emily had to force the words out.

Lucky’s expression relaxed, but he still looked a little puzzled. “Yeah, well, like I said. Deenie’s a character.”

What, exactly, does that mean? Emily wondered. Lucky was acting very peculiar. She reached out her hand. “Can I see your drawing?”

Lucky shook his head. “No. It’s stupid. It’s just...well, it turns out my schedule made it impossible for me to take any decent electives, so I thought maybe I could take art...and I was trying to draw, well, anything really. But it’s horrible.”

Emily smiled patiently. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. What did you draw?”

“Well...I started out drawing the coffee table. But that was too many lines. And so I tried drawing the couch, but I couldn’t get it right. So I drew you.”

“Me? You’ve been sitting there drawing me?” Emily asked, incredibly flattered. She reached out and pulled the drawing toward her, hoping he wouldn’t mind. He released his grip, and Emily held her breath as she looked at her picture.

It was the worst drawing she’d ever seen in her life.

And that wasn’t an exaggeration, either. She didn’t recognize a single feature from herself; the chin was too small, the nose was flat and covered half the face, and the eyes were basically dark circles with fringe for eyelashes. She was so shocked she didn’t know what to say.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Lucky asked, reading her expression.

“No! No. I mean, ah... it’s not bad. For a first try, you know?” Emily giggled nervously. “It’s a start. Right?”

“You think it’s a piece of garbage,” Lucky translated for her. “I know. It is.”

Emily made a face. “It’s not...well, it’s not the worst picture ever...”

“Yes it is. Stop being so nice about it,” Lucky said good-naturedly. He whisked the picture away and wadded it up, adding it to his pile on the floor. He looked at it mournfully. “What am I going to tell my counselor now?”

“Why don’t you take something else?” Emily suggested.

“Not really. I mean, I’m already signed up for Spanish and a computer class.”

Emily suddenly got a vision of him singing along with “My Girl” popped into her head. “Aren’t you taking choir?” She asked. “Glee Club or whatever they call it?”

“Choir? Nah.” Lucky looked slightly embarrassed. “Well, actually, I thought about it. But I’m locked into my second hour, which is the only time Men’s Choir meets. The only other guys are in the top group, a mixed choir.” Lucky shrugged. “But it’s mostly for seniors, and the best voices in the school.”

“So?” Emily asked. “You easily have one of the best voices in the school. I’ll bet if you made an appointment with the choir director, he’d listen to your voice and place you in a choir. You really should. You have an incredible voice.”

“Gee,” Lucky said. “All these compliments! Now I feel like returning the favor.”

Emily smiled. “Well, anytime you want to compliment me, go right ahead.”

“How about now?” Lucky asked, in a teasing tone. “You’re very pretty.”

Emily blushed. She hadn’t expected him to say something like that.

Lucky laughed. “You’re supposed to say, ‘thank you’.”

“Thank you,” Emily repeated, embarrassed but secretly thrilled.

“You’re welcome. I meant it.”

“I meant what I said about you, too,” Emily said, yawning. “Sorry. I really have to take a nap, I think. I’m really tired.”

“Go ahead. I won’t bother you.”

Emily looked at him in surprise. “Right here?” She was sitting maybe three feet away from him, on the other end of the couch. She couldn’t imagine sleeping right out in front of him.

Lucky nodded and picked up his pencil and paper and started sketching again. “In the meantime I’ll see if my sketches get any better.”

Emily stifled a laugh and closed her eyes, trying to relax. At first she was uncomfortable, but her exhaustion won over. As she felt herself drifting into the contradiction of peaceful chaotic dreams, she felt something warm and heavy draped over her form. And submerged completely into slumber, she sighed contentedly, her face warmed by the gaze of affectionate unseen eyes.

Chapter 24:

Slinging her backpack over one shoulder, Emily slammed her locker door shut. “Hasta lavista,” She murmured, grateful that the frightful First Week was finally over.

“Big plans?” A voice piped up next to her.

Emily glanced over and saw a blond girl standing at the next locker, twisting her combination into the lock. “Not exactly,” Emily said, recognizing the girl from her biology class. “Unless you count revising an English paper exciting.”

“No, I definitely don’t,” The girl said with a smile. “Are you going to Deenie’s party tomorrow night?”

Emily shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

The girl reached for a textbook. “I’ve heard a lot of people talking about it. Her parents are going out of town or something. She doesn’t care who comes, which means there’ll probably be all kinds of crazy stuff going on.”

Emily faked a smile. “Hmmm. I’ll have to see about working that into my busy English-paper-revising schedule.” In truth, she couldn’t imagine herself anywhere near a party where any ‘crazy stuff’ was happening, but didn’t feel like sharing that.

The girl smiled, and Emily was about to turn and walk away when she heard a familiar voice. “Hey, Emily?”

Emily turned around and saw Liz standing by her, looking uncertain. She also looked gorgeous, her hair shiny hair spilling over her shoulder and dressed in a simple but cute outfit. Emily fought back the waves of self-consciousness about her own hair and outfit.

“I was wondering if you could do me a favor,” She said. “I’m going out of town for the next week or so. I’m going to go to Italy and meet up with Sarah and my parents, then come home a little later.” She bit her lip. “I already told Lucky, but I forgot to tell him that I was leaving this weekend. Which means that I won’t see him at Deenie’s party tomorrow night.”

“Oh. Sure.” Emily busied herself with adjusting the strap of her backpack. “I’ll tell him.”

“Great! Thanks. Well, I’ll see you in a week,” Liz said, stepping away.

“Yeah. Have fun on your trip,” Emily said politely, honestly hoping she did have a good time. But another part of her was very, very happy that Liz was out of the picture for at least a little while...

Stop it, Emily, she told herself. Lucky wasn’t the kind of guy to follow “Out of sight, out of mind”. Just because Liz wasn’t around didn’t mean he’d see her any differently. She was just getting her hopes up for nothing.

Liz walked away with a wave, and Emily walked toward the buses out in front of the school. Lucky came up behind her. “Hey, Em,” He greeted her.

“Lucky! Hey.” Emily smiled at him, starting up the steps onto the bus and choosing the second seat. “I have a message for you.” Lucky slid in next to her. “Oh, really? From who?”

“Liz. She’s leaving for Italy tomorrow so she can’t go to the party with you. She forgot to tell you that.”

“We weren’t going to the party together,” Lucky said, his forehead wrinkling. “Did she say we were?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “How technical can you get? I believe she said ‘see you there’. What difference does seeing you there and going with you make?”

“A lot of difference. Going together would be like a date,” Lucky explained.

Emily raised her eyebrows. “So?”

“So, Liz and I weren’t going on a date,” Lucky said, looking embarrassed. “Why does everyone assume that whenever we’re in the same place, we’re on a date?”

Maybe because everyone knows you’re a couple? Emily guessed, puzzled. She didn’t know why Lucky was acting so strange. Maybe he was feeling smothered by his relationship with Liz or something.

When they arrived in the penthouse, Emily plunked her heavy bag down on the couch with a groan. “Ugh. These books are even bigger than last year’s.”

Lucky smiled, sitting in the big arm chair with his own bag at his feet. “Oh, and I forgot to tell you. I had that appointment with the choir director Tuesday, and met with him again today. He placed me in the top choir, so I’ve got my schedule all worked out.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Emily exclaimed, grinning proudly. “I knew you’d get in!”

Lucky looked embarrassed. “Yeah, well, I don’t know if I like it yet. But the music I’ve seen so far is decent.”

“So, have you rewritten your English paper yet?” Emily asked. She and Lucky were in the same English class, and so far Lucky had been coasting through while she struggled.

“Most of it. I still can’t figure out my conclusion, though,” Lucky said, sighing. “That gave me trouble on the first draft.”

“What topic did you have?” Emily asked.

Lucky launched into a brief paraphrase of his paper, and the way he used words gave Emily a few ideas. She settled down with a fresh piece of paper to rework her paper, and Lucky cracked open his math book. They worked for several minutes in silence.

“Don’t you just hate sitting home on a Friday night with nothing to do?” Lucky asked a few moments later. “There’s something about doing homework on the weekend that’s very depressing, don’t you think?”

Emily nodded in agreement.

“I always feel like I should be getting out and doing something,” Lucky continued. “How about you?”

“I guess. If there’s something to do,” Emily answered lamely, not sure what he was getting at.

“Well, tomorrow night Deenie’s having that party. Do you want to go?” Lucky stared at her intently.

Emily squirmed. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I heard it might be kind of wild--”

“We can leave if it’s not fun,” Lucky assured her.

‘We’? Emily wondered. “Are we going together?” She asked, then blushed. “I mean--”

“If you want to,” Lucky said. “I’d like to.”

Emily still felt unsure. She tried to laugh it off. “For a minute there I thought you meant ‘together’ as in, a date. But I know that’s not what you meant.”

Lucky looked at her strangely.

Emily felt the blood drain from her face. “Or is that what you meant?”

Lucky faltered. “No. No, I didn’t it like that. Just, you know, riding together and all that.”

“That’s what I figured,” Emily said, knowing she should feel relieved. But she didn’t. She just felt confused.

She wished she knew what was going on inside Lucky’s head.

Chapter 25:

For the first time, Emily had the penthouse completely to herself.

Jason and Robin had taken Michael over to Mike’s for a surprise visit. Leticia had gone to a baby shower for the evening. Graciola had left town to visit her aunt. And Lucky had left abruptly after receiving a brief phone call. Emily had answered the phone, and recognized that the voice was Laura’s. She was curious about what Laura had told her son that was so urgent, but was nonetheless grateful to some peace and quiet.

Emily had just made herself dinner and talked to Monica on the phone. They’d begun having weekly phone calls, and it seemed like they were both becoming used to the routine. Monica hardly ever asked her to come home anymore, although Emily knew she still wanted her to; they both knew this situation was best. Emily suspected something had changed between Monica and Alan, and that had influenced it, but Monica never mentioned it.

After hanging up the phone, Emily walked around the apartment. Just two hours before, she and Lucky had been doing there homework together and talking about going to a party. It seemed strangely quiet and almost eerie without Lucky around. It almost frightened her, how much she relied on him. He was so much a presence in her life now. She was around him morning, noon and night. She knew what he slept in (boxers and a tee-shirt), what kind of cereal was his favorite (Cocoa Pebbles with whole milk) and that a faint blue vein ran the entire length of his left forearm. She knew he knew her just as intimately; and that scared her even more.

He probably knew exactly what her favorite foods, colors and clothes were. He could probably tell just from a look whether she was sad, happy or angry. Yet he didn’t know the thing that weighed on her mind from morning until night. The fact that she slowly being eaten alive by her feelings for him.

Emily sighed and picked up her textbook that she’d left lying on the coffee table. She wished she could will away all that she felt for him. But denying how she felt was no longer an option.

She wondered how he felt. She felt like she was slowly going crazy--the way he’d looked at her that afternoon! It was almost like he’d actually intentionally suggested they go together to the party, as a date. But the idea was too ridiculous to be true. He was with Liz. And he was in love with her. And he just thought of Emily as a friend. Right?

Emily shifted the books and a stack of papers caught her eye. Absently, she picked them up. Figuring it was some of her drafts for her English paper, she tucked the stack in-between the books and took them upstairs. She lost track of the time, listening to CD’s and struggling to finish her English paper.

She heard the front door open and listened to the footsteps. Light tread, with a slight increase in weight on the second step. She knew it was Lucky instantly.

Emily walked down the stairs. She paused, watching the figure stumble around in the darkness, and, seeing the faint light from the hallway, look up. His hand groped the wall and he flipped the light switch on.

“Hi,” Emily said softly.

“Hey,” Lucky responded. “Sorry I was gone so long. I had to deal with something.”

“Is Laura okay?” Emily asked.

“Yeah. She’s fine. She just...had to tell me something.” Lucky looked away, then smiled wryly. “Why is it that the person I tell the least information to knows me the best?” He came forward and hung up his jacket. He seemed to have given it a lot of thought. “You probably know me the best of anybody, but you don’t even know why I’m here. And I know you so well, but I don’t know your reasons either...”

You think you do, Emily thought wistfully. “Yeah. That is strange.”

Lucky stretched his arms above his head. “You know what? It seems like this is the only place in the penthouse I see.” He paused. “Can we go upstairs and talk?”

“In my room?” Emily suggested.

“Sure.” Lucky followed her upstairs, and Emily perched on her bed, hastily throwing the covers back over it. She wished she’d taken the time to make it that morning. He plopped down on the floor, stretching out on his back and putting a pillow behind his head. Emily sensed he’d come up for a reason, like he wanted to tell her something, but now he was glancing around, as if looking for a distraction. His eyes rested on her hands, which she was tapping impatiently. “Hey. You did your nails.”

Emily glanced down at her fingernails, which she’d painted a dark purple color. “Yeah. A while ago, but it’s chipping off. I should take it off.”

Lucky reached for her hand. He dropped one fingertip on her nail, feeling the rough edges of her chipping nail polish. He shook his head. “It’s pretty, though. the color, I mean.”

Emily held her breath, staring dumbly at her hand. Lucky lifted his hand, dropping it back beside him on the floor. She stared at her finger, which was tingling. Lucky hadn’t ever touched her like that before. They rarely ever touched, and when they did, a pat on the back or accidentally poking each other. Never like that--with hands, lingering fingertips, soft voices--

Lucky cleared his throat, and Emily glanced up. He sighed. “You know the horrible part? I want to tell you everything-- the stuff that’s making me mad or whatever, because I know you’d understand. But I can’t. Ever.”

Emily realized that he wanted her to know that he’d share anything he could with her...but this he couldn’t. She understood. And she wanted him to know that she felt the same way. Except that maybe this was something she could share. She took a deep breath. “My father is an addict.”

Lucky blinked. “What?” He looked at her. “Wait. Are you serious? Alan...?”

“Yes. He is.” Emily bit her lower lip uncertainly. “And it’s a secret, Lucky. He’s addicted to his pain pills. That’s forgivable. No one held it against me when I went through it, and I wouldn’t hold it against someone else. But he won’t accept his problem. I can’t be around that. I’m a recovering addict myself.” Emily had always avoided that word with him before, but it was surprisingly easy.

Lucky let out a deep breath. “Wow.”

“I know. It’s a pretty big mess, isn’t it?” Emily asked.

“No. I just think you’re pretty brave. To leave home like that, to stand up for your own recovery--that’s amazing, Emily.”

Emily glowed under his praise. She felt warm all over. She tried to change the subject, while carefully mentally saving the effect his words had on her. “So..”

“My father did something I couldn’t be around, too,” Lucky said hurriedly. “I can’t tell you what, because it’s his secret, not mine. He did something horrible and I can’t be around that--just like you.” He looked at her, as if realizing something astounding. “Exactly like you.”

Lucky shook his head in disbelief. “You know, for a while I thought Liz and I could help each other. I was mad about my parents, and she was hurting for reasons of her own. And we’re friends, but it was always a completely different problem we were facing. Not like this. Not like you and me, where we have the same exact stuff going on--” He shook his head again, almost as if talking to himself.

Emily smiled and picked up her English book. She heaved it onto the floor by her bookbag, and moved her other books there as well. She picked up the stack of papers to put into her folder, and was surprised by something in the middle that was smooth and glossy. She pulled it out of the stack and stared at her own face.

In the picture, she was laughing with a familiar blond, sitting on a desktop in a short skirt, half-buttoned cardigan and boots. The focus of the photograph was clearly on her; Lane’s face was a mere blur while even the sparkle in Emily’s eye was apparent.

Emily glanced up at Lucky, and saw his face was pale. “This is from the Seventeen shoot,” She said in amazement.

“Yeah. It is,” Lucky said, and Emily realized the papers were his, not hers. She rifled through the rest, glancing at the photographs, seeing herself in each one. Sometimes just in the background or hardly visible, but she was indeed pictured.

He cleared his throat. “I was going to show them to you.”

“I would’ve thought there’d be more of Lane,” Emily mused, barely hearing him.

“There were. And that guy, too,” Lucky said, pointing to the guy in the picture with his arm around Emily. “They’re still in the magazine. I have it downstairs.”

“Brendan,” Emily murmured.

Color returned to Lucky’s face in full force. “That’s the guy you went out with?”

Emily nodded absently, poring over the photographs.

Lucky shifted awkwardly. “I, uh, wanted to show them to you. So I bought the magazine and cut out your pictures.”

“That’s really sweet,” Emily said, smiling. “Thank you. Can I keep them?”

Lucky hesitated, then nodded somewhat reluctantly. “Sure. I can buy--” He stopped himself.

“What?” Emily asked, not sure if she’d heard him correctly.

“Nothing,” Lucky said.

Emily looked at the pictures, which were suddenly a blur of color. Had he started to say ,’ I can buy another one?’ Why would he be so reluctant to give her the pictures? Unless...

Unless he hadn’t really bought them to show Emily after all, but for himself instead.

Chapter 26:

Emily was thinking. She was thinking in a way she’d never allowed herself to think before--except in dreams, when she couldn’t escape that hopeful, wistful feeling. But now it was reality, and she was staring blindly at a wall and realizing maybe it hadn’t been just wishful thinking.

She had to separate the fact from fiction. She took a deep breath and forced herself to think objectively. Lucky had been looking into her eyes a lot. Lucky’s fingertips had definitely lingered on hers. Lucky had sounded nervous when he asked her about going to the party, and looked uncomfortable about her making a passing remark about the “date” part.

But what did that add up to? Did it mean that Lucky was in love with her? Not necessarily. It could mean that he was being very honest, happened to like the feel of chipping nail polish, and had been anxiously worrying about his English paper when he asked Emily about the party.

Emily snorted. In a crazy way, the first theory worked a heck of a lot better than the latter.

But how could she ever know for sure? She couldn’t just ask him straight-out,” Do you like me?” That was too bold. Plus, what if he laughed or something? Wouldn’t that ruin everything between them, dismissing any chance of there ever developing feelings on his part for her?

What am I thinking? Emily’s mind screamed, horrified. It was as if she was forgetting that Lucky was attached. To Liz, publicly and very seriously. She couldn’t exactly ask him out on a date, and if he asked her, she couldn’t accept. That wouldn’t be right. She didn’t exactly fit as The Other Woman, anyway.

Emily sighed. She was so utterly, awfully confused. Why was Lucky acting this way? Did he actually have feelings for her? Or was it some sort of game?

She tried to look at it objectively. Maybe he genuinely liked them both, and was flirting with Emily to see if she’d accept the bait, anticipating all the fun of dating two girls at once. Or maybe he wanted to use her to make Liz jealous. But that didn’t make sense, because Liz never saw them together...

Any way she looked at it, it was exhausting. Too much for her tired mind to get into. Emily changed into a long-sleeved tee-shirt for bed, and realized it was one of Lucky’s that he didn’t like. When she’d mentioned that it looked comfortable to sleep in, he’d given it to her. Emily shook her head tiredly and got into bed.

She pressed her eyes shut and prayed silently for pleasant dreams and for tomorrow night to be as painless as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucky was thinking. He was thinking in a way he’d never allowed himself to think before--except whenever he dreamed, when he couldn’t fight that surging, overwhelming feeling. But now it was reality, and he was staring blandly at the ceiling and realizing maybe it hadn’t all just been wishful thinking.

He had to force himself to think straight. Ever since he’d really started talking to Emily again, things had been changing for him. Even though they never talked about his father, she made it seem clearer to him. It was as if she’d made something in him shift, and everything seemed to fall into its proper position. Except his feelings for her, that is.

He didn’t even know how he felt. He had a pretty good idea, thanks to Liz’s not-so-subtle suggestions about why he got so gloomy whenever Emily left the apartment or why he turned grouchy when he thought of her admirers.

Liz was great. She was witty and fun and undoubtedly physically appealing, but she wasn’t romantic material. Unlike what everyone at school thought, they weren’t joined at the hip or heart. No matter how many times he looked at her, he’d see a great friend. Yet that was how he’d once thought of his platonic pal Em...

Emily was so easy to be with. She just made him feel relaxed. They’d sit together on the couch, watching TV or something, and not have to say a word. She’d laugh quietly at a joke, smile at him to see if he shared her amusement, or shift slightly when she’d seen something unpleasant. And he could always tell just by looking at her what she was thinking. She wore her heart in her eyes. That was one of his favorite things about her.

His other favorite was how silly she could be, without ever looking ridiculous. She was infectious when she was in a good mood. He’d found himself always wanting to be at the penthouse, regardless of what movie was playing or how many friends called wanting to do something. All he wanted to do was hang around Emily. To see her smile, to look into her eyes and see what she was thinking. Or even just to touch her chipped nail polish.

He knew he’d been stupid about that. She’d stiffened when he did that, rightly so. What was she thinking now? Probably that he’d gone psycho touchy-feely. He couldn’t help it. The urge to touch her was sort of overwhelming.

So where did that leave him? He didn’t know. Emily probably knew he was nuts about her. It wasn’t something he could hide. As for how she felt, he didn’t know. She did clam up about things, look away when he looked at her, blush a lot...but that didn’t exactly equal her panting over him. Maybe she just had decided to take a vow of silence, lied a lot or had a rare condition that involved the skin flaring up in rashes all the time.

Lucky smirked. Somehow the first idea seemed more logical than the latter, crazy as it was.

Lucky got up and turned out the lamp. He slid between his sleeping bag, remembering when Emily had helped him untie the knot for his sleeping bag. He’d been a jerk to her then. That was back when he could utter two sentences without having to stop himself, in fear of blurting out how he felt. This party was going to be a nightmare. What if she suggested they dance, and she was in his arms, and he said the wrong thing? What if it turned out she’d known all along and was trying to attract as many guys as possible? Or what if this was just to make Brendan-what’s-his-face jealous?

Lucky shook his head. That was much too complicated to get into. Besides, it wasn’t like Mr. Model-guy was going to be anywhere near here to see them together.

He shut his eyes tightly and prayed silently for a dreamless night and for tomorrow’s party to be as painless as possible.

Chapter 27:

“Feeling better?” Lucky asked, finally breaking the heavy silence.

Emily nodded, then winced in pain. “Sort of,” She said, embarrassed. She rubbed her temples hard, but it didn’t do anything to alleviate the intense, throbbing pain.

Emily shifted to a more comfortable position and snuck a glance at Lucky out of the corner of her eye. She’d been hit with the massive headache ten minutes ago, and instantly Lucky had escorted her out of the party, which was loud and crowded. They’d ended up in Deenie’s backyard, far away from everyone else, sitting on the edge of an old sandbox. Lucky was staring off into space, looking thoughtful. Or maybe he was just bored; Emily couldn’t be sure.

“Do you want me to get you some Tylenol or something?” Lucky asked. “I’m sure Deenie has something like that in the house.”

“No, it’ll calm down in a minute. Just sit with me, okay?”

“Sure.” Lucky was so agreeable and pleasant, it made Emily feel worse. She couldn’t believe her luck, getting a killer headache right in the middle of her first-ever party, and the closest thing she’d had to a date with Lucky. And now she was forcing him to sit out in a stupid sandbox when he’d so obviously rather be inside the party.

“This reminds me of that time we went biking down by the lake,” Lucky said, breaking her thoughts. “You got sand in your eye so we sat down and you tried to cry it out.”

Emily glanced over quickly, and was met with a sharp pain in her forehead. She suppressed a groan. “Yeah. You were telling me all kinds of sad things to make me cry, and I kept laughing instead, but it hurt really bad. So you told me to wade into the lake and wash it out.”

“And you actually did it!” Lucky cried, laughing at the vivid memory. “You waded into the lake, clothes and all, and washed your eye with lake-water. I thought for sure you’d catch pneumonia.”

“I remember how worried you were. You always were that overprotective of me,” Emily said.

“Always.” Lucky smiled. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And I still do. But it hit me hard when you got into drugs. I hadn’t even known about it, and when I found out I couldn’t do anything to help. That was the worst feeling in the world, that I couldn’t help save you. And then I saw that you didn’t need me to, and I just...” His voice trailed off, and he never finished his thought. He didn’t need to.

Emily bit her lip. “I always needed a friend, Lucky. Maybe I didn’t deserve one at that point, but I needed you more than ever then.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Lucky said.

“I’m sorry I screwed up my life,” Emily said. “But I’m beyond that now.”

Lucky nodded thoughtfully. “Did you ever wish you could go back in time? Not just to before you started experimenting with drugs, but to when you were a kid?”

You don’t know how much, Emily thought wistfully. “Yes,” She answered simply.

“And you think, ‘I must have been so naive not to know this,’ but you’re not thinking how stupid it was not to know, but how great it must have been?”

Emily held her breath, suddenly scared. She felt like he was reading her intensely private thoughts, reading them cover to cover like a book and exposing her. “Yes,” She said hoarsely.

“I was just thinking about that the other day. Because I never realized how much I needed a really great friend until I was missing one.” Lucky glanced at her, his eyes boring into hers like laser beams.

“Me either.” Emily swallowed hard, her eyes locked on his. Her heart was pounding hard and the air was chilly and dusk was setting. She was suddenly aware of how close they were sitting side-by-side on the edge of the sandbox and felt a little dizzy just thinking about it.

“Liz is really nice,” Lucky said, seeming to notice her discomfort. “She’s a good friend. And we could help each other--I mean, about the stuff that she was going through, and the stuff about my family. I have a lot in common with her, but it’s not like you and me. Not like our lives are connected.”

“Are ours?” Emily asked, scarcely able to breathe.

“I think so. Don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Emily answered breathlessly. She’d pretty much forgotten the question. It wasn’t what Lucky was saying...he could have been reciting the Guinness Book of World Records in that voice, with those eyes, and she’d still swoon.

“I’m glad you’re here tonight,” Lucky said, his voice sounding slightly affected, too.

“Me too.” Emily was staring at Lucky, realizing that he was somehow closer to her without having moved on inch. Just the heat of his gaze and the vulnerability she saw in his eyes made her feel like he’d already said things he hadn’t. She swallowed again, wishing she could remember what she’d dreamed about last night, and if it was anywhere near this wonderful.

Lucky’s head moved almost imperceptibly. He was closer now, and she could hear him breathing quietly. His eyes were asking her a very important question, and Emily knew the answer was yes. She closed her eyes slowly and felt Lucky draw nearer.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a voice. “Does Liz know?” Her own voice.

Emily’s eyes popped open in surprise. Lucky, now much too close, shifted back in alarm. Unwillingly, her conscience had come through and interrupted the most perfect moment of her life.

Lucky took a nervous breath. “What? Liz know about what?”

Emily blinked. “Um...what you just said. About our friendship and all that.”

Lucky’s forehead crinkled. “She knows that I consider you my best friend.”

“And that doesn’t bother her?” Emily asked.

“No. Why would it?” Lucky looked at her like she was crazy, and Emily suddenly wondered if she was. Had she been imagining that Lucky was going to kiss her?

No. He’d definitely been about to kiss her.

“I...I...” Emily faltered.

“Liz and I are friends. She knows I have other friends, and that I care about you a lot.” Lucky’s face reddened. “In fact, she’s the one that suggested I take you to this party in her place.”

It all suddenly fell into place.

It hit Emily like a ton of bricks. Liz and Lucky were just friends. Just friends. Only friends. Not romantically linked. Her head spun. But that meant--

Lucky looked at her hopefully.

Emily burst into laughter, her crazed and happy tears springing into her eyes.

Lucky looked quite unsure of what to make of this.

Emily sputtered over her words, laughing so hard she could barely breathe. “I thought---you and Liz, I thought you two---everyone thought that...” She gave up trying to communicate and gave into helpless giggles.

A smile tugged at the corners of Lucky’s mouth as he finally got it. “You thought Liz and I were together?”

Emily nodded in-between bouts of laughter. “I thought for sure you were in love with her.”

“In love with Liz? No way. I never really looked at Liz that way.” Lucky laughed, then his smile vanished and he looked at Emily deeply. “I was too busy falling in love with you.”

Chapter 28:

“Wha--what?” Emily stammered. It seemed like she’d heard those words in her dreams before, and she wanted to make sure it wasn’t just a fantasy.

Lucky smiled uncertainly. “I just...you’re such a good friend. And a wonderful person. And a beautiful girl. And I knew all those things, but I didn’t really see them all at once before. At least not as clearly as I do now. Am I making any sense at all?”

Emily nodded, her breath nearly catching in her throat, making it hard to take deep breaths and steady her racing heart. “Yes, I think I do.”

He looked at her hopefully.

“I...I feel the same way,” She said shyly. “And I have for a long time. Since that night at the Nurses’ Ball, actually.”

Lucky smiled, looking very relieved and very happy. “I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you then.”

Emily smiled back. “I think you’ve said that before.”

Lucky leaned slightly closer to her on the edge of the sandbox, in a now familiar move, but with new confidence but the same tenderness in his eyes. “Like a hundred times, probably. But I am sorry.”

“More like a million,” Emily said softly, focusing on his nearness, not the words. She literally gravitated toward him, feeling safe and hidden with him in the dusky night.

“I guess I probably shouldn’t say it anymore, then?” Lucky asked, his voice a low murmur. “Maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all.” His breath was soft on her cheek, and she recognized the smell of his cologne from the one he always wore. It was familiar and comforting.

Emily nodded, her mind nearly short-circuiting with anticipation. “Maybe,” She murmured. She felt her eyes close securely, and she held her breath, waiting, hoping.

There was a half-heartbeat of wait, and then velvety warm softness on her lips. It was a butterfly-soft kiss, and heartachingly gentle and tender. She responded without thought, instinctively, and hesitantly. She didn’t want to ruin the perfect, magical moment.

And then they pulled back, and Emily’s eyelashes fluttered upward. She looked at Lucky dizzily, her heart hammering in her chest.

Lucky looked back at her with a similar expression on his face. He must have thought the same thing, because his lips curved up into a smile.

Emily couldn’t help but smile back, and when she did, a tiny sound escaped. A tiny giggle.

Lucky’s smile widened and she heard his quiet, almost inaudible laugh.

Emily giggled again, feeling a warm, happy feeling around her, and she suddenly found herself unable to stop laughing.

Lucky apparently had the same affliction. He laughed, his eyes never leaving hers, and Emily felt as though they were sharing some secret, private joke. She’d always felt lucky to have him as her friend, but sitting at the edge of the sandbox with his hand almost-but-not-quite on hers, smiling at him and seeing his eyes crinkled up happily, she felt truly blessed.

Lucky leaned in again, and Emily pressed her eyes shut. This time Lucky’s lips were more certain, but no less tender. It was cold outside, but Emily felt warm all over. Her lips tingled from contact and she felt her pulse racing. She felt a surge go through her entire body when she finally gave all she felt into the kiss. Lucky responded in turn, and after a long moment they broke apart for air.

“Why are you smiling?” Lucky asked, his voice soft. He reached in and picked up a handful of sand and let it run through his fingers.

“I was just thinking. I always sort of wanted to, you know, go back to when we were kids.” Emily snuck a glance at him to see if he thought she was talking crazy. “Just because we’d been such great friends. Besides, everything seemed so simple and happy then...you know?”

Lucky nodded wordlessly, and that nod told her more than most people’s words of agreement ever could.

“But...but now I think I just found one advantage to being older,” Emily said, with an embarrassed laugh. “That’s why I was smiling.”

Lucky smiled as though her thoughts were the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard. “I used to think about that too,” He confessed. “I mean, I still think about what it was like before...before I knew these horrible things about my father.” Lucky glanced at Emily. “I used to idolize him, and now that’s all gone. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know any of what I know...just because I was a lot happier then.”

Emily could have said she felt the same way, but she knew Lucky sensed her agreement without having to say something. He picked up her hand, which was covered with sand, with his own sand-caked palm. “But now...I’m thinking maybe it doesn’t matter what secrets my father kept, because this is my life. And I don’t have to promise myself that my life won’t be like his anymore, because it won’t be. I’m not him.”

Emily felt tears pricking her eyelids. “I worried for months when I heard about Alan’s drug addiction,” She confessed hoarsely. “I thought I’d see him taking something, and maybe I’d get that urge to take something, and maybe it would be too strong to resist. I...I was so scared, Lucky. I worked so hard to get clean, and I felt like Alan would cause that to all disappear.”

Lucky squeezed her fingers and Emily smiled weakly. “You know what? I’m doing just fine. I haven’t even thought about touching that stuff in a long time. I know that I won’t mess up. I’ll make my own choices and let him make his. He can’t take this away from me.”

Lucky smiled. “You’re so confident and brave, Emily. It’s hard to believe you’re the same person who used to be afraid of the dark.”

Emily glanced out around them. “I still am sometimes,” She said softly. “When I don’t know what’s out there. But right now, I’m not scared at all.”

Lucky dropped her fingers gently. “I’ve been thinking, Em, and I think I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to go home soon.”

Emily nodded. She’d suspected that it had been on his mind since he brought up the subject. “That’s good. You should.”

“I should?” Lucky asked, sounding surprised.

“You need your family,” Emily said. “Just like I need mine.” She shrugged. “I might go home soon, too. I miss everything about home...even Alan a little, although I’m still a little nervous about going back. I’ll take some more time, and wait until I’m sure. Then I’ll go back where I belong, too.”

“And I’ll help you move back in,” Lucky offered.

“That would be nice,” Emily said shyly.

They fell quiet then, and Emily strained her ear to hear noise from the party. They must have turned down the music, because it was almost silent in the yard. The couples that had been in the yard were long gone--it had gotten awfully cold, although neither of them seemed to notice it. Emily tried to remember what had brought them out there, and then remembered her headache. The throbbing had disappeared unnoticed.

Emily sighed contentedly. So many months ago she’d realized her feelings for Lucky, and just like everything else, they’d been scrambled, unsure, painful. She’d been mixed-up about a million different things, and thought that being with Lucky meant having that void inside her filled. But somehow, that void had filled itself, without Lucky being a part of it.

She’d thought life would be complicated forever, but right now life seemed pretty mellow and pleasant. Her feelings for Lucky were pure and simple. And while she didn’t have all the answers about her future, it didn’t seem as hopeless now. She trusted that she’d be able to make a decision when the time was right.

She had thought that going back in time, when things were in black and white, was the answer. But now she was beginning to realize that life came in all shades of gray.

And sometimes the most complicated things resulted in the best moments, Emily thought as she sagged against Lucky for warmth and watched their warm breath make clouds in the cold night air.