| Chapter 1: “Mommy, what was daddy like?” my daughter Lexie asked. “Lexie, your daddy was a wonderful man, and he loved you very much you know that right.” I answered. “Mommy, will you tell me about the time daddy asked you to marry you.” “Lexie don’t you ever get tired of that story?” I knew that she loved the story but it hurt so much to talk about Lucky. Oh Lucky why can’t you be here with me. “No mommy please tell me.” Lexie pleaded in her four year old voice that made my heart melt. “Oh all right,” I answered, “I remember the day like it was yesterday.” Lucky and I were walking back to the dorm room that I was lived in and it started to rain, I started to run because I didn’t want to get all wet and get sick. I didn’t see Lucky next to me so I turned around and I saw him walking toward me. When he reached me he pulled me close and started to dance with me. “Lucky, what are you doing its wet and cold out.” I said. “Emily can’t you just be quite and enjoy this incredibly romantic moment.” Lucky said. I smiled and looked into his eyes and he pulled me close and started humming a song, to this day it still hunts me because he never told me what it was called or if he just made it up. When he was done humming he got down on one knee and with tears running down his face he said, “Emily, I love you more than anything the whole world, I can’t imagine my life without you. Will you make me the happiest person in the world and become my wife? Emily, my love, my best friend will you marry me?” I looked at him and I had tears streaming down my face and I said, “Yes, Lucky I will marry you.” Lucky got up and he hugged me and we both were crying and the rain stopped and a rainbow came threw the clouds, as he slipped me engagement ring on my finger. “Mommy, Mommy your crying.” Lexie said. As I quickly reached up and brushed the tears off my face. “Come on honey lets get you to bed.” I told her. “Mommy you didn’t finish the story.” Lexie said quietly. “Honey we’ll finish it tomorrow, you need your sleep.” I answered hoping that she would except the fact that I couldn’t handle talking about Lucky today of all days this was the day that rocked my world the day that Lucky died. After I put Lexie to bed, I went and I called Lucky’s little sister Lulu. “Hi, Lu this Emily can you please come over her and watch Lexie?” I asked her. “I really needed to get out of the house.” “Sure Em, I’ll be over in ten minutes.” Lulu said. “Thank you so much, she’s sleeping so you won’t have to do much just be here if she wakes up.” I told her. After we hung up. I looked over at the dresser and noticed a picture of Lucky and I from our wedding day. Oh hurry up Lu, I have to get out of here. When Lulu arrived at our house she looked at me like she knew where I was going. She whispered to me as I reached for the door, “I was all ready there today Em, I kind of figured you’d be calling soon.” I gave her a weak smile and said softly, “Thanks.” I got into the car and I flipped the radio station on and I heard the song. As the first notes of the song played I was flooded with memories. *Hold on Hold on to yourself October 22, 2005 The day I married my one true love. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I reached for my lipstick to put the finishing touches on my make-up. I wanted to look perfect for Lucky. I smiled as I thought of him. After I put my lipstick on and I stood up and made sure that my dress wasn’t wrinkled. My beautiful dress Lucky would love it. It was a simple white sleeveless dress that fit wonderfully and it was elegant and stylish. Monica had wanted her to get something different but I wouldn’t even consider it. When Alan came to get me to tell me it was time I smiled at him and he looked down at me and said, “Honey, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t a better father to you. I’m so proud of you.” I smiled at Alan and said, “Alan you were a great father I couldn’t ask for a better one. Now lets go.” I looked down to were Lucky was standing and I looked deep into his eyes and they read a thousand words. He smiled at me and our eyes met each other and never left through the survice. We decided to write our own vows because we wanted the to come from the heart. I will never forget what Lucky said to me. Lucky looked deep into my eyes, “Emily, I have waited for this day ever since I was 11. You are my love, my best friend, I promise to give you my hand to hold and I will stand by you through everything the good and the bad, the better and the worse. I will walk beside you all the days of my life, I will never leave you and I promise to love and honor you. May our love that is so strong now grow and become even stronger. I will love you forever.” His eyes stay locked on mine as I said, “Lucky, you are the best person that I will ever know. You have stood by me so far in life in the good and bad. I promise to always be right beside you and I will never let go of our love, may it deepen and grow as we go through the rest of our lives together. I will hold your hand and never let go. I will love you forever.” When the minister pronounced us husband and wife we both had tears streaming down our faces as we turned to face our family and friends. Most of them were also crying. I looked down at my wedding ring, I still haven’t taken it off I don’t think that I will ever be able to. I pulled the chain that I wore that held Lucky’s ring. I looked at and the tears ran faster as I pulled to a stop in front of the cemetery. *Am I in heaven here or am I... I looked at Lucky’s headstone and I remembered the day I told him that we were going to have a child. I ran inside our house, and started yelling for Lucky. He came out of the kitchen and said, “Emily whats wrong?” “Lucky were going to have a baby.” I screamed. He looked at me and his smile grew and he ran over and gave me a hug and we were laughing and hugging, until he said, “When did you find out?” “Today, isn’t this amazing?” I said. “Yes it is lets go call everyone and tell them the good news.” Lucky replied reaching for the phone. “Lucky, sweetheart, I was thinking we could have our parents over for supper and tell them then.” I answered sweetly. “When?” Lucky asked. “Tonight, I already called them.” I said smiling. “You mean you already talked to our parents before coming to tell me first? Emily what were you thinking?” Lucky asked me his smile was still there but slowly fading. “I was excited, what did you want me to tell you over the phone?” I said. “No, I just wish you would have gave me sometime for this to set in. I’m going to be a father.” Lucky said. When the realization of that set in he shouted, “I’m going to be a father.” his smile was back and said, “I don’t care that there coming over Em, Oh My G-d I’m going to be a father.” I just laughed and hugged him. Later that evening when Alan, Monica, Luke and Laura were all over at our house. We looked at each other half way threw the meal and stood up and Lucky said, “We have an announcement to make, Emily and I our going to have a baby.” Monica and Laura shoot over to were Emily was standing and hugged her and Luke and Alan hugged Lucky then they switched. Laura asked, “When did you find out?” Emily answered, “Today I’m one month pregnant.” v “Oh, Honey I’m so happy for you.” Monica said. The rest of the evening was spent discussing baby names. *Oh god if you're out there As I walked to Lucky’s headstone, with my hands shaking. I though back to the day that I found out of the accident. I walked into the house after a long day of work and I heard the phone ring. I called out, “Lucky, honey are you home?” I answered the phone, “Hello, Spencers.” “Oh thank G-d I finally got caught you Emily, there’s been an accident Lucky’s at GH.” after I heard those words I blacked out and I don’t remember who was on the phone or what else they said all I remember is driving to the hospital crying and praying for Lucky. I arrived at the hospital, and I ran to the emergency room and I was blocked by Nik, Lucky’s brother, he was the doctor on call, “Nik, whats wrong with my husband, can I see him.” “No sorry Emily, you can’t yet we are still running tests you can wait in the waiting room its right threw those doors the Spencers and your family are in there.” I walked into the room and everyone had tear-stained faces I quietly asked, “What happened?” “Lucky was walking across the street to get to his car and somebody came by and hit him, a hit and run we don’t know who did it Em.” Alan told me. I went and sat in a hard plastic chair and looked down and I was unaware of what was going on around me. Tears were dripping off my face on to the floor. Somebody was saying my name, “Emily, Emily” I looked up and noticed that Nik, had came back and I shoot out of my chair as fast as a pregnant person can and I walked over to Nik, “How is he? Can I see him?” I asked. “He’s in a coma. You can see him but not for to long.” he answered. I could tell that he was shook up about having to work on his brother even though they hadn’t patched up there differences. I walked into Lucky’s room and I looked at the bed were he was laying with tubes coming out of him and he was on a respirator. I wanted to run out of there and see Lucky fine and healthy and somebody would tell me that this was a big joke they had the wrong person. But I knew that I couldn’t. I slowly walked over to his bed, and sat in a chair. I held his hand just like I promised to on our wedding day. “Lucky,” I whispered, “its me Emily. Honey you have to come back to me I don’t know if I can go one without you.” I felt the baby kick me, “Lucky our daughter needs, you.” I remembered yesterday we had found out that we were going to have a daughter and we decided to name her Alexandra Pagie. “Lucky the baby needs you to. Please fight for us.” I held his hand for a few minutes as I sat there and cried. “Lucky I have to go just remember that I love you.” I walked down the hall and sat down. Luke walked over to me and said, “Emily you should go home and get some sleep the baby needs it.” “No I’m not leaving him.” I said. The next few days were the same. They had managed to convince me to go home a few times to sleep and change. I walked into Lucky’s room wearing his favorite sweatshirt, they had a radio on and a song called “Hold On” came on. I went to his bed and started pleading for him to wake up “Lucky please wake up. Lucky come on you can do it.” I felt his hand twitch and he slowly opened his eyes. “Emily?” Lucky asked. “Lucky, your awake, hold on let me get the doctor.” I said. “Emily wait, I love you, tell Lexie that I love her to.” Lucky said before he closed his eyes and his heart monitor went off. “Lucky” I screamed, “Lucky, no Lucky don’t leave me not now not like this. Lucky!!!” I fell back into the chair as sobs wracked threw my body. *Am I in heaven here or am I in hell I set the flowers down in front of the head stone. I thought of his funeral, even though I don’t remember much of it. I remember watching, Nik, Luke, Alan, Mac, Jason, and Sonny carry his casket to the front of the church. I sat next to Laura and we held on to each other as we cried. I gave the eulogy. I started out saying, “Lucky was the best man, I’ll ever know. He was more than my husband, he was my best friend my love my life. Lucky I know where you are you will be watching down on me and your baby girl.” I stopped because I was crying to hard to talk. When I continued, “Lucky was one of those people that would help anyone in trouble and he wouldn’t think twice about it. My favorite memory of Lucky is our wedding the best day of my life. Or another one is when I told him that we were going to have a baby. He loved her so much even though she isn’t born, yet. He kept yelling ‘I’m going to be a father’, he would have been a wonderful father. I’m going to miss you more than you’ll ever know Lucky. I love you.” I finished and walked back to my seat sobbing. *Hold on I slowly turned away from Lucky’s grave and walked back to my car, crying for the life that was lost and the second chance that I will never get. I looked up at the sky and noticed a rainbow was forming I whispered, “I love you, Lucky.” |