by: Olivia
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far accross the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you`re here in my heart
And my heart will go on ad on
Spring 2001
He could hear the music from inside the ballroom as he stood outside
the gaily decorated ballroom, knowing that he really shouldn’t be here but also
acknowledging silently to himself that there was no where else he wanted to be at this
moment than here.
Even as that thought crossed his mind he realized that he was wrong,
there was one more place where he would rather be. He pushed the thought out of his head
with brutal force. That wasn’t going to happen. He couldn’t let it. He
wasn’t back for that reason.
He just wanted to make sure she was okay. Just wanted to look into her
eyes one more time. Then he would walk away and leave her to find the happiness he knew
she deserved.
Without him.
God that thought hurt.
She’d become so damned important to him in the last year, her
emails the only thing keeping him sane as he restlessly roamed the country in search of
the life that had been stolen from him. The life he had been stolen from.
The life he could never go back to.
She was the one reminder of that life and he knew it would be better
for both of their sakes if he could cut the cord, let her go.
He’d sworn to try tonight.
God give him the strength to do the right thing Lucky Spencer thought
to himself as he approached the ballroom.
And the wisdom to know what that was.
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we`re one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we`ll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you`re here in my heart
And my heart will go on ad on
There is some love that will not go away
You`re here, there`s nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We`ll stay forever this way
You are save in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Emily Quartermaine couldn’t quite disguise the shadows in her eyes
even as she danced at her senior prom with one of her oldest and closest friends. It
didn’t help that the song they were dancing to conjured up thoughts and feelings she
was trying really hard to ignore.
Those shadows were created by the pain and suffering she had endured
over the last year and she had a feeling that although they might diminish with time they
would always be there.
“Hey beautiful,” The teasing voice of Sly Eckert intruded on
her thoughts and Emily smiled, attempting to banish the darkness away. “A penny for
your thoughts.”
“A penny? For the thoughts of a Quartermaine? My grandfather is
surely turning over in his grave.” She grinned, pleased that she had been able to
make a light hearted remark about a very painful event in her life. She was getting really
good at disguising her emotions.
To everyone but him. He was the person she relied on the most although
she hadn’t seen him in almost a year. It was to him that she poured out her grief
when the events of last spring had led her to grandfather’s dying of a heart attack.
He was the one who kept her sane, who kept her from sliding back into an addiction that
had been really tempting when your reality was so hard to endure.
She hoped he knew how important he was to her. She wondered if she
would ever get the chance to tell him so in person.
Sly looked at her carefully, he knew her too well to be fooled by that
false smile and bravado, but he also knew that pushing her on this night in this place
would be a mistake. So he accepted the lie. “Okay, if I up the price to a million do
I get to know what you are thinking?”
“Nothing really. Or maybe I should say nothing concrete.” she
replied evasively changing the subject. “Doesn’t everything look grand?”
Sly took a look around. It did indeed look grand. It wasn’t every
senior class that got to hold its prom in the ballroom of the best hotel in town,
completed with floral decorations and a catered buffet for free. But then again, it helped
that the family of the senior class president owned the hotel.
“It looks wonderful. You should be proud of yourself. I know how
hard you worked on this.”
Emily smiled in appreciation. She had thrown herself into her senior
year of high school with a vengeance, pulling her average up to a 4.0, running for senior
class president, joining the track team and then the basketball team, and for a while
she’d even been in the chess club.
Anything to keep her mind occupied and her body out of the mansion as
many hours of the day as possible. Some of it had paid off, she’d been accepted to
the college she wanted to go to, Lewis and Clark in Oregon. She’d picked it mainly
because it was the furthest away from Port Charles she could get. Plus having never spent
that much time in that part of the country, she could use sightseeing as an excuse to get
out of coming home whenever possible.
In a few months she would be packing her car and leaving Port Charles.
She couldn’t wait.
She looked up at Sly’s friendly and familiar face. There were some
people she was going to miss like crazy. Impulsively she reached up to give him a kiss.
Sly blushed and looked around a little nervously, catching the eye of
his boyfriend Dylan who stood on the stage checking his guitar. Dylan smiled and Sly felt
a wave of relief that he found someone who trusted him. He had been seeing him for a few
months now and the more time they spent in each other’s company, the more sure he was
that he had finally found “the one”. He looked down into Emily’s brown eyes
and gave a silent prayer that someday she would find “the one.” “What was
that for?” he asked her with a smile.
“Just a thank you for being my friend.”
“Being your friend is and always will be my pleasure,” he
told her. The music ended and Sly looked around, noticing that the DJ who had been hired
to play music while the band took a break was finishing up. “I guess that’s my
cue to get back up on stage.”
Emily nodded. “You guys are doing a great job. Thanks for agreeing
to play tonight. I know how busy you guys are.”
“Anything for the lovely lady who got our demo tape into the hands
of the president of L&B records herself.” He bent and gave her a kiss on the
cheek. “Enjoy your prom Em. You deserve it.”
Emily watched him leave and then slowly made her way off the dance
floor. She didn’t have a date tonight and while she was vaguely aware that that
circumstance was the reason she had been receiving pitying glances all night, she
didn’t really care. She could have had a date, several guys had in fact asked her,
but she knew that if she had a date she would have had to spend the entire evening
pretending to enjoy herself and she wasn’t up to that.
There was really only one person that she wanted by her side tonight
and that was impossible.
She’d just about made it to the punch bowl when she felt a tap on
her shoulder and she turned around, her breath catching as she found herself staring into
a pair of achingly familiar blue eyes.
“Lucky?” she shook her head in disbelief and then
“Lucky!” as she threw herself into his arms, not caring that they were fast on
their way to being the center of attention.
Lucky caught her and held her tight against him, allowing himself the
luxury of inhaling her scent and feeling her warmth.
She pulled away just far enough that she could look into his eyes.
“What are you doing here? You never mentioned.... Lucky Spencer I could kill
you.” She finished forgetting for a moment the pure joy that had swept her a few
seconds ago in her exasperation. “Why didn’t you let me know you were
coming?”
“I wanted to surprise you,” he said softly although the real
reason was that he had not been sure until the last possible moment that he would find the
courage to see her again knowing he would have to say goodbye. “You didn’t think
I would miss your senior prom, did you?”
She looked up at him in total honesty. “I didn’t think I
would see you in Port Charles ever again. Not after everything.”
Lucky took a deep breath. “It’s not exactly my favorite place
to be.” He admitted softly.
She nodded. She knew exactly how he felt. Her mind went over the events
of the last year and a half with a shudder.
“Em.” He hated that look in her eyes almost as much as he
hated the thought that he had put it there. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to
remind you.”
“It’s okay Lucky. I mean its not like I ever really manage to
forget you know.”
He suddenly became aware of the noise and the crowd. “Let’s
go out on the terrace and talk.”
She let him lead her into the coolness of the evening without a word,
content for the moment just to be near him. He looked good. He’d grown a little
taller, the paleness he’d gained during his “death” had been replaced by a
healthy tan.
Once they were alone, an awkward silence descended between them. Lucky
leaned against the terrace and stared out into the city night below. Emily moved to stand
quietly next to him, gently taking his hand in hers. “I’m sorry.” she
whispered.
“For what?” he looked at her in astonishment.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like it was my fault. If I
had seen what was happening between them, maybe I could have said something. Stopped it
somehow.”
“There wasn’t anything you could have done. They thought I
was dead and they fell in love. It’s that simple.”
It wasn’t that simple but Emily said nothing. It had been a case
of terrible timing, Lucky had finally managed to escape and return to Port Charles only to
find that Liz and Nikolas had become lovers. She still remembered his pain when he had
shown up at the mansion following his confrontation with Elizabeth. How Liz could have
chosen Nikolas over Lucky Emily would never understand, but she guessed that love was
funny like that. She just wondered why love always had to hurt so much. “I wish I
could take away your pain.”
“You do,” Lucky says softly. “Just by being here you
do.”
“I’m glad,” Emily replies.
They are silent for a moment.
“How are you?” Lucky watches her closely as tries to mask her
pain.
“I’m fine. Keeping busy.”
“Emily....” he said in a warning voice.
She looked over at him. “What do you want me to say? I helped to
get my brother killed. Jason is dead because of me. Juan used me to get close to Jason so
he could kill him to prove his loyalty to Rivera’s organization. All those months we
dated and I never suspected, never even imagined that Juan’s purpose in coming to
Port Charles was to take back the organization that he felt Sonny and Jason had stolen
from his grandfather. And because of my stupidity Jason is dead and Sonny is in jail for
Juan’s murder. My grandmother spends all of her time in her room crying and my
grandfather died of a heart attack although we all know it was really a broken heart. My
parents are divorcing and in short my family is destroyed because I brought Juan Santiago
into our lives.” She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around her shoulders,
trying to still the flood of tears that threatened her.
“Listen to me.” Lucky grabbed her and forced her to look at
him. “Your brother is dead because of choices he made, choices he made long before
Juan Santiago entered the picture. He died because he chose to become a mobster. His
choice. If it wasn’t Juan it would have been someone else. You don’t grow old in
Jason’s line of work and he knew that. As for Sonny being in jail, that was his
choice to. He didn’t have to go gunning for Juan. He could have let Mac and Taggert
handle it. There was enough evidence to lock Juan away for life but Sonny couldn’t
let it go and Sonny paid the price. None of what happened was your fault.”
“I believed him when he said he loved me. I trusted him when he
said he cared. I let him make love to me the night before he killed my brother. What kind
of person does that make me?”
“The kind of person who believes in the goodness of other people.
You see the good in people Emily, you always have. It’s one of the reasons I fell in
love with you. Don’t let what happened with Juan destroy that.”
Emily looked up at him in shock. “What did you say?”
Lucky gulped. He hadn’t meant to say that. “It doesn’t
matter.”
“No. No it does. Did you say you loved me?”
Lucky looked into her eyes and was lost by his inability to lie. Not to
her. “Yes.”
“But Liz...”
“I don’t love her anymore. I don’t even know her
anymore. The Liz I held onto in my dreams while I was imprisoned by Faison could never
have done what she did. It was hard to lose her, but after a while I realized that she was
right. I had changed. She had changed. Somehow the people we had become didn’t have
the same feelings as the people we were.” He touched her cheek softly to wipe a tear
away and then touched the same finger to his lips so he could taste the salt of her tears.
“When I lost Liz I thought I had lost everything. I couldn’t be here in Port
Charles and watch the two of them together, so I left. I thought I was homeless, but I was
wrong. Your letters became my home. In every town I stopped in the first thing I did was
find a computer so I could check to see if there was a message from you. At first I
thought it was because I was homesick. I’d been gone so long and only home a few
weeks before I left again. But it didn’t take me long to realize that it wasn’t
Port Charles or the people I missed the most, it was you. I’d read your messages like
a starving man devours food. You have no idea how hard it was to not come home when you
needed me.”
“Then why? Why stay away?”
“To keep you safe. You’ve been hurt by so much already, the
last thing I want is to hurt you again. And I know that being around me will hurt you.
Helena still wants me dead. Faison is God knows where. As much as I want you in my life,
my life is no place for you to be right now. I won’t be responsible for causing you
any more pain Emily.” He closed his eyes. “I just came back to make sure you
were okay and to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye?”
He nodded painfully. “There’s nothing for me here, except you
and I can’t take the risk that they’ll discover how important you are to me. The
only way to keep you safe is to stay away from you.” He bent forward to place a light
kiss on her lips. “Have a great life.” He turned and walked away before he no
longer could.
“Lucky Spencer you are the most infuriatingly egotistical person I
have ever met,” she yelled. “And considering that your dad and I are on first
name basis that’s saying a lot.” Her brown eyes sparkled with anger and
something else. Lucky’s heart began to beat faster. “How dare you make decisions
for me? How dare you decide what I can or cannot do, can or cannot feel? You say that your
life is no place for me, well without you I have no life. And the only way you can cause
me more pain is to keep walking away from me and that’s not the kind of pain I think
I can recover from.” She took a deep breath and walked closer to him. “I know
that life has no guarantees. I know that better than anyone. I know that someone you love
can be there one minute and gone the next. How many times have I had to learn that lesson?
You think Faison and Helena will hurt me? Maybe they will. Or maybe they won’t. Or
maybe I’ll get hit by a car crossing the street tomorrow morning. Who the hell knows
what will happen to them? You want a safe life for me, there is no such a thing. You want
me to be happy, then don’t ever leave me because I won’t be happy without
you.” She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly as she realized everything that
was on the line.
“Are you sure? I can’t stay in Port Charles. I’m not
even sure I can stay in the country. It won’t be easy.”
“Like the last few years have been?” She almost grinned with
relief. He wasn’t leaving her. “Do we have to leave tonight?”
He shook his head. “I think we can stay in town until you graduate
as long as we are careful. I know how important that is to you.”
“Nothing is as important to me as you are,” she whispered
softly. He closed his eyes in silent acknowledgement as he pulled her close to him.
“Tell me,” he whispered as he lowered his lips to hers.
“Say it.”
She smiled at him. “I love you Lucky Spencer.”
“Thank God,” he whispered. “Unrequited love is the
pits.”
She giggled.
He could hear the music drifting from the ball room and heard
Sly’s voice as he began to sing. He bowed to Emily and held out his hand. “May I
have the honor of this dance Miss. Quartermaine?”
She curtsied gracefully. “It would be my pleasure Mr.
Spencer.”
Lucky smiled, their eyes locking as he swept her into a rhythm that
matched the music with fluid ease.
“It won’t be easy,” he whispered to her.
“Will you be with me?”
“Always.”
“Then nothing else matters.”
And as the music continued and she moved closer to him, Lucky realized
that she was right.